I Am Beautiful!

I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful. I need to keep telling myself this. I don't know that ever in my life I have ever felt truly beautiful. This is not a word that very many people have ever used to describe me, including my husband. But, I need to believe that it is true.
Growing up, I constantly heard that to be beautiful you had to be skinny. My mom didn't say it in exactly those words, but she has been on this diet or that diet for as long as I can remember. Yes, my family genes are not "eat whatever you want and stay skinny" genes, but why does that matter? I don't actually want to be stick skinny. I like curves. I have a round bum and big boobs and there is nothing wrong with that. Yes, I have love handles and a belly to go with it, but I am a very active person. I have run 3 marathons and several other races. I golf with my hubby pretty regularly and I love being outside. In a normal week I work out 3-5 times a week and I eat a moderate amount of calories, but I will never be skinny. Too bad right? As long as I am healthy that is what matters.
I don't want to be a bad example for my daughter. I don't want to tell my daughter I don't eat things because they are "fattening." I choose not to eat it because it is unhealthy. I don't know if my daughter will get my hubby's fast metabolism or my slow one, but I don't want her to feel like she isn't enough either way. Her self worth should not depend on how she looks on the outside like mine did.
I always call her Pretty Girl or Beautiful. I want her to know that she is beautiful regardless of what anyone else thinks. What she believes is what really matters and when you are confident and happy with yourself other people can see that beauty as well.
I am working to improve my body image so my daughter never sees me look in the mirror and say I am fat and ugly. Nothing fits me. I am a failure. Why do we as women beat ourselves up so much? We ARE imperfect and imperfect is beautiful. Perfection is very boring. I want to love myself just the way I am. My husband does. He doesn't care if I lose weight or if I stay the way I am. I am 20-30 lbs heavier than when we got married and he doesn't care. He loves me for the person I am inside and for the love I show him and my daughter.
I want to love myself the same way. If I expect unconditional love from those closest to me I need to offer it to myself. I need to love myself completely - curves and all. I am beautiful. Now I just need to believe it...and then my daughter will believe it of herself as well.

Don't Want to Forget

Taylor turned 2 about two months ago and I am feeling like she does and says so many cute things now I need to blog more so I can remember everything. I have said it before, and I never keep at it, but I am going to try to do even short posts to remember the good and the bad. She sure keeps us on our toes!

She has decided Red Rover is the coolest. She must have learned it at daycare and I she doesn't know what you actually do after someone tells you to come over, but she loves to run, so a game where you run back and forth is great for her. This is how she plays "Red rover, red rover, Daddy, red rover. Run Daddy." Then she randomly instructs everyone to run. We get to the other side and just grab hands. If we are outside not doing much Taylor will grab someone and line then up and we all play a game of Taylor's Red Rover. One night she had grandma, grandpa, Aunt Tia, Malachi and Mommy and Daddy playing. That is what life is all about.

I am amazed how much this girl loves to run. I think she could run marathons (someday), better than I ever could. She has a lot of stamina. We took her to the mall a few months ago and told her she could run. She would count 1,2,3 and then we would all run until she stopped and then do it again. We ran around the mall several times and she loved it.

Last Monday we took Taylor golfing with us. Scott called ahead and the golf course was slow so we were able to get on and they were ok with her going. She had such a ball. She loves to be outside so I think that is what she enjoyed the most, but she liked riding in the cart and each time Scott or I would hit the ball she would say "Good girl, Mommy," or "Good Boy, Daddy." She also tried to help putt and when her put didn't go in, she picked it up and put it in the hole. That's one way to do it. ;) She would also pick it up off the green and say,"Here's you ball, Mommy." Toward the end she wanted to play Red Rover on the tee box while Scott was waiting to tee off. I wasn't playing well, and I wasn't keeping score, but it was one of my most enjoyable golf rounds of my life.

One a different note...last night Taylor decided to touch the stove top and burn her hand. I should have known better, but I wanted to do S'mores and it was too windy and cold outside to do it over the fire pit so we were doing it on the stove. I told Taylor it was danger and not to touch, and she usually minds. About halfway through roasting our first marshmallows she puts her open palm right in the middle of the burner. We all acted fairly quickly getting her hand under cold water and then putting burn free on it and then lavender oil before the bandages. She will be fine, but this kid is definitely accident prone.

Well, if anyone has kept reading this, which I definitely didn't expect you to. I hope to have more fun updates with pictures on a more regular basis. I need to make sure to record all the things that are important for me to remember.

New Pics

I got tired of all the outdoor in a field pics that everyone has, so I decided to switch to a cute studio for Taylor's one year pics. We went back for her 2 year pics even though the studio is now trendy too. Bleh.