I Am Beautiful!

I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful. I need to keep telling myself this. I don't know that ever in my life I have ever felt truly beautiful. This is not a word that very many people have ever used to describe me, including my husband. But, I need to believe that it is true.
Growing up, I constantly heard that to be beautiful you had to be skinny. My mom didn't say it in exactly those words, but she has been on this diet or that diet for as long as I can remember. Yes, my family genes are not "eat whatever you want and stay skinny" genes, but why does that matter? I don't actually want to be stick skinny. I like curves. I have a round bum and big boobs and there is nothing wrong with that. Yes, I have love handles and a belly to go with it, but I am a very active person. I have run 3 marathons and several other races. I golf with my hubby pretty regularly and I love being outside. In a normal week I work out 3-5 times a week and I eat a moderate amount of calories, but I will never be skinny. Too bad right? As long as I am healthy that is what matters.
I don't want to be a bad example for my daughter. I don't want to tell my daughter I don't eat things because they are "fattening." I choose not to eat it because it is unhealthy. I don't know if my daughter will get my hubby's fast metabolism or my slow one, but I don't want her to feel like she isn't enough either way. Her self worth should not depend on how she looks on the outside like mine did.
I always call her Pretty Girl or Beautiful. I want her to know that she is beautiful regardless of what anyone else thinks. What she believes is what really matters and when you are confident and happy with yourself other people can see that beauty as well.
I am working to improve my body image so my daughter never sees me look in the mirror and say I am fat and ugly. Nothing fits me. I am a failure. Why do we as women beat ourselves up so much? We ARE imperfect and imperfect is beautiful. Perfection is very boring. I want to love myself just the way I am. My husband does. He doesn't care if I lose weight or if I stay the way I am. I am 20-30 lbs heavier than when we got married and he doesn't care. He loves me for the person I am inside and for the love I show him and my daughter.
I want to love myself the same way. If I expect unconditional love from those closest to me I need to offer it to myself. I need to love myself completely - curves and all. I am beautiful. Now I just need to believe it...and then my daughter will believe it of herself as well.

Don't Want to Forget

Taylor turned 2 about two months ago and I am feeling like she does and says so many cute things now I need to blog more so I can remember everything. I have said it before, and I never keep at it, but I am going to try to do even short posts to remember the good and the bad. She sure keeps us on our toes!

She has decided Red Rover is the coolest. She must have learned it at daycare and I she doesn't know what you actually do after someone tells you to come over, but she loves to run, so a game where you run back and forth is great for her. This is how she plays "Red rover, red rover, Daddy, red rover. Run Daddy." Then she randomly instructs everyone to run. We get to the other side and just grab hands. If we are outside not doing much Taylor will grab someone and line then up and we all play a game of Taylor's Red Rover. One night she had grandma, grandpa, Aunt Tia, Malachi and Mommy and Daddy playing. That is what life is all about.

I am amazed how much this girl loves to run. I think she could run marathons (someday), better than I ever could. She has a lot of stamina. We took her to the mall a few months ago and told her she could run. She would count 1,2,3 and then we would all run until she stopped and then do it again. We ran around the mall several times and she loved it.

Last Monday we took Taylor golfing with us. Scott called ahead and the golf course was slow so we were able to get on and they were ok with her going. She had such a ball. She loves to be outside so I think that is what she enjoyed the most, but she liked riding in the cart and each time Scott or I would hit the ball she would say "Good girl, Mommy," or "Good Boy, Daddy." She also tried to help putt and when her put didn't go in, she picked it up and put it in the hole. That's one way to do it. ;) She would also pick it up off the green and say,"Here's you ball, Mommy." Toward the end she wanted to play Red Rover on the tee box while Scott was waiting to tee off. I wasn't playing well, and I wasn't keeping score, but it was one of my most enjoyable golf rounds of my life.

One a different note...last night Taylor decided to touch the stove top and burn her hand. I should have known better, but I wanted to do S'mores and it was too windy and cold outside to do it over the fire pit so we were doing it on the stove. I told Taylor it was danger and not to touch, and she usually minds. About halfway through roasting our first marshmallows she puts her open palm right in the middle of the burner. We all acted fairly quickly getting her hand under cold water and then putting burn free on it and then lavender oil before the bandages. She will be fine, but this kid is definitely accident prone.

Well, if anyone has kept reading this, which I definitely didn't expect you to. I hope to have more fun updates with pictures on a more regular basis. I need to make sure to record all the things that are important for me to remember.

New Pics

I got tired of all the outdoor in a field pics that everyone has, so I decided to switch to a cute studio for Taylor's one year pics. We went back for her 2 year pics even though the studio is now trendy too. Bleh.

Mother's Day Weekend

Mother's Day this year was a little bit hectic, and I was a little bit spoiled. My sweet husband was already cooking dinner when I got home from work on Friday night. Flowers were delivered to my house that night as well. Super sweet since I know he hates to buy me flowers since I am a florist and all. It is such a good feeling to get them though! He also gave me a poem that he had pictures of us and Taylor on and framed. He is so thoughtful. That was just Friday.

Saturday morning, I headed up to Salt Lake to run the Race for the Cure. I ran it with two of my friends and didn't get pictures except for a couple of me and Taylor at the start line.
Taylor looked really unhappy, but she actually did really well. She had a cold and she was a trooper. I only had to stop a couple of times for her. The race was little bit frustrating becuase there were just so many people walking and it was hard to run for a while. It is not like I was running for a certain time or anything, but I wanted to run it. I guess if I do it again I will have to remember it is more like a 1 mile walk and a 2 mile run.
On the way back from the race I started feeling like crap. I started seeing spots and not feeling real great. I drank a lot of water and tried to get feeling better, but it didn't really work. My body is a little bit strange like that. I met up with my friend at the flower wholesaler to pick up the flowers for the funeral arrangements we were going to make. I felt really crappy the whole time we were there.
By the time I go home, I went in the bathroom and threw up a little bit and then sat down and got to work on the flowers regardless of how I felt. About halfway done I actually started to feel better. I think the flowers turned out really good as well. They were white and blue and we could have used just a few more, but I think they turned out great. Hopefully I will be able to get pictures from my friend, because I didn't get any. I always make that mistake. I stole this one from her blog.

By the time we were done with the flowers, I had put Taylor down from her nap and I still had to take a shower, so I showered and got myself cleaned up and Taylor woke up. Scott then gave me my card and my other gift, which was a black and white diamond heart necklace. One big heart with a small heart inside it. So beautiful. It is supposed to represent my heart and Taylor's. I love it.
Shortly there after, we went to buy some planted flowers for our moms because I sure wasn't going to do more arrangements. We picked up the flowers and then headed to my moms and then to my inlaws. We got back and just dropped into bed. It was a really long day, but it was a good day. We did a lot of good things.
Sunday was actually pretty low key. We went to church, played in the nursery, came home, took naps, ate lunch, and then Scott went to work and I went up to my parents house for a couple of hours. It was a nice day.

13 Months

Taylor is 13 months and still a crawler. I feel like she is behind and I am a little sad about it. Scott doesn't think it is a big deal. I know she is not behind and she is totally normal, but I just want her to be able to do it. She wants to walk around the house holding on to someone's hand and it makes it hard to get anything done. I know she will be harder to keep up with once she does walk, but she just looks so cute on her feet. Anyway, she is doing great and is staying very busy. She is pretty much always moving. She has started to enjoy swinging. She likes to go outside, but as soon as we head outside and she she will walk to the little playground for our townhomes (of course while holding your hand). She knows exactly where to go so she can swing.
She is a big fan of animals. Mostly dogs and cats since they are the only animals she has really seen. We need to take her to the farm some people in our ward have (ie the Springville Zoo), because they have a huge variety of animals including a wallaby. I bet she would love that.
Anyway, she is learning new words everyday. It is amazing to me how I say something to her a couple of times and she immediately tries to say them back to me. She still has the same 12 teeth and I can see her eye teeth through her gums, but they are not poking through yet.
She has started calling just about everything baby, but she also really loves her soft baby doll and small stuffed animals. She likes to hug them. She also likes to hug her morning bottle. It cracks me up.
Taylor loves books still. She has started to grab books and give them to you to read and then come sit on your lap. With Taylor any chance you can get her to sit on your lap, you take it because it doesn't happen very often.
Generally she is very happy and smily and likes to say hi to strangers. I can't get enough of her and it is very difficult to leave her a daycare every day. She went through a phase where she cried when I dropped her off and that was really hard on me. Hopefully that has past. She is such a blast to be around and the cutest little girl ever. Of course every mom thinks their kids are the cutest.

Life is precious

The same friend of mine I mentioned just a couple of posts ago just had a tragedy in her family. Her sister in law Alice passed away just days after giving birth to her third child. A precious baby girl. My heart breaks for the people affected by this loss. I have cried several times. I can't imagine what Alice's husband must be feeling. What should be a very joyous time in his life has turned into a mix between the joy of new life and the sorrow over his loss.
Events like this remind me that life is precious and we shouldn't take it for granted. It is something that we too often forget. We should be giving our all to the people we love the most and showing them through our actions that we love them. Sometimes we get too caught up in the mundane things of life and we forget what is the most precious and important in our lives. I love my family more than words can describe and I know I need to be better at showing that. I need to worry less about me and more about them.
I am also very grateful for the plan of salvation. I am so lucky to know that I can be with my family forever. I know that death is not the end of life and because of our Savior we can live again and see our loved ones again. It is a blessing to know that in times like these, our Savior has been there and felt our pains. I pray that this family will feel His love at this time.
I expressed my condolences to my friend and told her to let me know what I can help her with. She asked me to help her get the flowers wholesale and get some supplies to arrange them. Of course I said yes and I am very grateful to be able to help. I am glad to have the opportunity to serve when I don't take those opportunities very often.

The one where we lost a shoe

Sometimes I hate my laptop. I don't even know how I erased this post before posting it. Somehow I manage to hit quick keys I don't even know I am hitting. UGH.

Anywho...Every Saturday Scott, Taylor & I get groceries together as a family. Tonight reminded me of several reasons why we do this. The main reason is usually because Scott and I don't like to do a lot without each other when we can be together. Ahhh. Also, it is REALLY hard to take Taylor to the grocery store. I envy the mom I saw today that had a kid just barely older than Taylor who sat quietly in the cart and just looked around while she shopped. She was completely relaxed and moving slower than a snail around the store because she didn't have to worry about her child.
My trip looked a little different. For the first little while, Taylor was perfectly happy in the care kicking her legs and  looking at all the fun stuff in the store. About half way through our supposed to be short trip, I realize Taylor has lost one of her shoes. One of her shoes that I JUST bought last weekend and I put them on her for the first time today. So, I back tracked twice to see if I could find it. No shoe. After back tracking the first time, Taylor decides the cart is no longer for her and she wants to get out. Because I spoil her rotten and I don't want her screaming, I take her out of the cart and let her "push" the cart. This means she is holding on with both hands and I am holding her around the waist like she is flying and I push and try to steer with the other hand. Fun, let me tell you.
I finally give up on looking for the shoe and finish getting groceries while wrestling Taylor in different positions because she really just wants to get down on the floor. I get to the check out counter and Taylor almost runs the cart into the lady in front of us. Then the cashier asks the lady if she is hot because he thinks it is hot. I am going "Um, yes, I am sweating. It is hot!" But of course that was only in my mind, because frankly it doesn't matter. After checking out, which consisted of Taylor sitting in the cart and pulling everything out of the diaper bag while I get groceries into the cart, I wait in line at the customer service counter to see if anyone turned in her shoe. No shoe. I'm really bummed. So...I do one more walk through of the area we were in before I realized we were missing a shoe while wrestling Taylor the entire time because she won't go back in the seat of the cart. I finally get out to the car and go home and vow to never do that again.