My Emergency Room Visit

**WARNING**: If you are squeamish about blood or lady problems...you probably don't want to read this post.

I had a really nice visit to the Emergency Room on December 1st. I felt foolish even going there, because I was not dying. I didn't even feel sick. But I was having some serious problems. I had been bleeding off and on for about 6 weeks. It was a nuisance for sure, but nothing I was super concerned about because I had gotten an IUD in 6 1/2 months before. From what I read, IUDs take 6 months to a year to even out the cycles and the flow. So I tried to just deal with it.
But...it started getting heavier. I bled through my pants 3 days in a row in just a few hours. I was starting to get concerned. So, I scheduled an appt at my doctor's office and saw the NP. She told me it may be the IUD, and that they would schedule me for an ultrasound the following Monday.
The major concern started when I changed my tampon at quarter to 6 and left my house to go to bunco. I had to stop at Smith's in Orem on the way, and when I got there I felt damp. It had been maybe 20 minutes. I drove to the house we were having bunco at and gave Taylor to my mom (Scott was working of course, isn't that the way it goes) and went into the restroom to try to figure out what was going on. I took out the soaked through tampon and something plopped into the toilet. It was a large clump of blood. At this point I was concerned that maybe I had somehow gotten pregnant and I was having a miscarriage. I called my mom to the restroom and asked her if she thought I should be concerned and we decided I should probably call my doctor the next day. So we left Taylor with some of the bunco ladies and went to my mom's house to get some clean clothes for me. By the time we got to my mom's house, I was feeling like I was dripping. My mom's house was only 6 blocks away. That was when I was REALLY concerned.
I called the on call doctor and when I didn't get a response very quickly, we just headed over to the instacare, where they proceeded to tell us that I needed to go to the emergency room. So that is how I ended up there. I called my hubby when we went to the instacare, and then called him again when we got to the emergency room. He made it there right as they were taking me back. They did an exam and took some blood and did an ultrasound. What they discovered is that my IUD was not in the correct place.
Apparently my uterus is severely tilted back to the point where it almost makes a U shape. The IUD either didn't get place all the way up to begin with or, it slid down and attached itself to the uterine lining, which was causing all of the bleeding. They cleaned me up quite a bit and ended up scheduling an appt with my doctor for the following day to get my IUD out and get a new form of birth control. They kept telling me they were glad I came in, but since I never felt sick or had a lot of pain, I felt really stupid being there. I guess it was better safe than sorry.
The following day I went to my doctor in the afternoon and got the implanon (birth control in the arm), and the procedure to numb my arm was painful, and it was sore for a several days, but so far it has been just fine. My doctor made sure to tell me that I am not a good candidate for an IUD. Really?

Boring

Recently I have decided my life is VERY boring and extremely predictable. My week goes like this:

Monday Thru Friday

• Get up between 6 and 6:30, shower and get myself semi decent, get my snacks ready for work, get Taylor ready, drop her off at the baby sitter and go to work.
• Work 8-5, with the exemption of my lunch break that usually consists of running errands. After work, if Scott hasn't picked her up, pick up Taylor and make it home by 6.
• Fix dinner if Scott is hungry or find something for me to eat if he is not.
• Play with Taylor and then feed her dinner at 7 and give her a bath if it is bath night.
• Give Taylor a bottle and get her to between 8 and 8: 30.
• By 8:30 I am spent, so I clean a few things up and then drop into bed and cuddle with hubby and watch TV for a little while.
• Wake up at least once a night and feed Taylor again and sometimes wake up a couple more times with her.
• Repeat

Saturday & Sunday

• Get up when Taylor does
• If I am lucky, take a nap when Taylor takes her morning nap, if I am not, clean the house or take care of things that didn't get done during the week
• Get groceries
• Get lunch
• Run errands
• Play with Taylor
• Spend time with one of our families
• Church if we don't sleep through it or miss it because we didn't realize it is Stake Conference.
• Spend as much time as a family as possible

Then the week starts over and we do it all again. I would really like to add in a workout, but I just don't know where I would get the time or energy to do it. This week I have told Scott twice that I want to work out and didn't end up happening. I guess running around the house for 2 hours between getting home and Taylor going to bed has to count for something right?
The weird thing about this is I am not even complaining. I am actually pretty happy these days. We are still struggling with sleep, so I have bad days, but I am pretty content with how my life goes. I just wish there was more time in the day so I could get more done, or do something exciting to change up the routine. I am excited for the upcoming holidays to change things up a bit, and I am really excited that some day (not as near in the future as I would like) I will get to stay home and be a mom and I can decide what we are going to do that day and not be a work drone. But...with that being said, life is good, and I have a lot of blessings to be grateful for. I get to spend time with my adorable daughter and fantastic husband every night and every weekend and right now I couldn't ask for more than that.

This is Reality

I haven't been posting a lot lately. Partly because I don't have a lot of time these days and partly because I try not to be negative on my blog, and I am finding it very hard to stay positive all the time. I was sure my entire life that I wouldn't want kids. Wrong. Once I realized having kids might be alright, I was sure I would be fine with working and leaving them with a sitter. WRONG.
I am really struggling with my life right now. I know I should be grateful for the many blessings that I have. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful place to work. I am blessed to have my mom available to watch Taylor right now, and I am blessed to have found a good baby sitter I will be taking her to in the future. I am also very blessed to have a fantastic husband.
I think I struggle the most when I haven't had a lot of sleep and last night was a hard one. I got about 3 1/2 hours straight and another hour in there somewhere. I broke down into tears at one point and started feeling like all of Taylor's issues are my fault.
Before I went back to work Taylor was taking 3 hour and half naps a day and sleeping 4 to 6 hours straight every night. Ever since I have been back things have been super unpredictable. Part of that was the teething I know, but I am just feeling like the inconsistency is making Taylor cranky and not wanting to sleep.
This morning I was feeling three things: I am disgusting and overweight, I am not a good mom, and I am not a good wife.
I really wish I could quit my job like NOW, but I can't. Money is a lot tighter right now than before Taylor was born (that's a given), and we wouldn't be able to pay our bills if I quit work. But even though I work for a great company, it has been a month and a half and I just flat don't want to be at work every day. I feel like things were better with me, Taylor & Scott before I came back to work. I 3/4 of my baby weight right away, and was staying there, but after I came back to work, I gained 10 lbs. Right after I came home from the hospital, I was more in love with my husband than I had ever been. Now, he feels like the room mate. Like I never spend time with him and take care of him.
A while back in a writing class I took at BYU, I wrote a paper about success. My definition of success was to have a happy marriage and family. I may be doing well at work and my boss has an abundance of nice things to say about me since I got back, but I feel like a total failure. I don't have a happy husband and daughter.
This is really me venting because I am tired, which makes me a little more grumpy. I know this time will pass and everything will get better. I am just struggling to put on a happy face.

It's Time

I am not one that likes to post about weight, but I am going against my better judgement and just putting it out there. I gained just shy of 40 lbs with my pregnancy. I lost 30 of it within the first 3 weeks or so. I was pretty happy about that. I hoped to continue to lose a pound or so a week. Not so much. I am stuck. It just fluctuates back and forth a few lbs. I really miss running and working out. I have gone for walks a few times, but Taylor doesn't like riding in the stroller in my neighborhood. I am sure it is because of the stupid creases on the sidewalks. She is fine if I walk in the street, but that is not exactly safe. Ugh. I really need to get on a workout routine and I am debating getting up a half hour earlier when I go back to work so I can get in a 30 minute workout every morning. I guess we will see what happens. I don't know how mom's do it. When Scott is home he could watch Taylor while I work out, but I want to spend time with him too. I am still madly in love with my husband after 3 and half years and I can't stand to not see him. I would almost rather be pleasantly plump and be able to spend time with him than take 45 minutes of our time together and work out... Such a dilemma. I am not even at the heaviest I have ever been, but I am ready to be more fit. I guess we will see where this goes. If you can't tell, I haven't quite figured out what I will be doing...I just know I need to change something. I REALLY miss running and racing. I will get back to it hopefully by next summer when I can take Taylor in the jogging stroller.

My awesome life

Right now my life is pretty great. I spend all day with an adorable little one and I have an amazing husband. There are a few things that I would change of course. Scott has spent way too much of his time during my maternity leave working his hind end off. He was working too hard because he was short people. This weekend it is because of the holiday. Luckily I live close to family, so I was able to spend some time with them while he was away. At first being a mom was really hard and I wasn't sure what in the world I got myself into. Now that Taylor is sleeping a little bit better and doesn't have to be held as much, I am feeling much better. I am starting to get things around the house done and I feel productive for the day. It is still the hardest job I have ever had, but those smiles from Taylor, and the support of my awesome hubby make it worth it. Scott bought me these awesome flowers on Thursday. 

Just because he loves me. I almost cried. It made me feel so good to have a husband who appreciates what I do and still makes sure I feel special and important. (Notice it is a golf bag. I thought that was pretty cool too.) He also was sweet enough to get me a gift card to a spa so I can have some me time for mother's day. That will be a welcom treat when I use it. I am constantly amazed that my love for my husband can still continue to grow. He is such a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have him in my life. Watching him interact with Taylor warms my heart and I savor those moments when it is clear how much he loves his little girl. I couldn't ask for a better family.

I am so grateful that we had Aflac so I could get disability pay so I could stay home for the entire 12 weeks of maternity leave. We would have never survived otherwise. I am also glad we have it to help pay for hospital bills. Altogether with disability and the amounts we received from aflac, we got about 7 times back what we put into the plan. We will keep it for our next child as well.

I am very sad that I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I can't stand the idea of being away from Taylor for 10 hours a day. I once again grateful for my mom who will be watching her for the first couple of months. She only lives 10 minutes from work, so at least I can go see Taylor on lunch breaks and not have to instantly be away from her all the time. I know I am a boring mommy blogger right now. I can't help it. Not a lot going going on besides spending time with Taylor.

My life these days

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth, I am just pretty busy with baby Taylor. If I am not sleeping when she is sleeping, I am trying to get my house in order that is a total disaster. I can't believe she is 7 weeks old already. It is amazing how fast it goes by. I have been mentally blogging for the past few weeks, so here are condensed versions of my mental blogging:

• There is really no way to prepare for being a mom for the first time and it is not easy. I have had a few really bad days and being a mom really is hard. It makes me really grateful for my own mother. Baby Taylor is a relatively good baby, but it is still not easy. I think I was having a really hard time because Scott was working 8 to 3 and then taking a nap and going back from 5:30ish to anytime from 10:30 to midnight. It was really tough having him gone that long. I don't know how single moms do it, because even though Taylor was being good, it was hard to be alone a lot.
• I have never loved my hubby more. He is so cute with Taylor and he loves her to pieces. A couple of weeks ago he asked mentioned how crazy it is that you can love your baby as much as you do in such a short time. You know you are going to love your child, but you don't realize how much. I am constantly amazed how much I love her and how much I love him.
• I went to my first "girl's night" a few weeks ago. My neighbor invited a lot of ladies over and she had some people doing glitter toes. It was only $10 so I got mine done for the first time. It was a lot of fun, and it was nice to have a social night.
• Daytime television sucks. I am watching a lot of re-runs of sitcoms and sometimes there is really nothing on. I have developed a new addiction to cake shows: Ultimate Cake Off, Cake Boss, Amazing Wedding Cakes, Last Cake Standing. I am in awe of the talent of the cake decorators and I love to see the finished product.
• I thought I would have a lot more time than I do. When Taylor is sleeping I am trying to take care of my disaster of a house and take care of myself (shower). I never thought it would take up this much of my time. It can get old to sit on the couch and hold her all day long to feed her or rock her to sleep. I know I really need to get her on a routine, but haven't had a chance to even think about getting her on a schedule. I will figure it out eventually.
• I am not a big fan of parents talking about how amazing their kids are, but I am discovering that every child has some sort of strength that is unique. Taylor's is amazing muscle strength. She was holding up her head from day 1. They brought her in to nurse a few hours after she was born and when I burped her she lifted her head. She turned over from front to back at 6 weeks. She did it twice and then when we tried to record it, she wouldn't do it. She has done it once time since then. It is crazy.
• And finally I love that sweet little girl's smile. She just started smiling recently and when this adorable little girl smiles and coos at you, it makes any frustration of the day well worth it.

Smiling for mommy

I tried to get a month old picture, she wasn't having it.

First day out with mommy after mommy's 6 week check up. She did so well. Slept most of the day.

Just a super cute picture with her little beanie because it was dang cold last Saturday.

More smiles

Goals

Feel free not to read this, it may be VERY boring. At work we were asked to make goals for 2011 as part of our skill classes. Whatever you want to call them. We actually have a “skill day” every year on goal setting, and I am never the biggest fan. Of course I did set a professional goal as asked, but I don’t like setting goals. In my personal life, I rarely (never) sit down and reflect and write up goals. For some reason I feel like putting a goal down on paper is setting myself up for failure. Sure, I have ambition and things I want to accomplish, but I would rather have a firm resolve in my mind than have a written goal for me to look back on and say, oh yeah, I wanted to do that. I especially hate “New Year’s Resolutions.” Making a goal just because it is the thing to do at the beginning of the year is just a waste of time and energy.

Today I started thinking about my goals. Right now in my personal life, I have one: get this baby here, take care of me and baby until she gets here, pick a name for baby, and get everything she needs, and some things I want her to have J. All other goals I had have been put on the back burner while I go through this amazing and miraculous journey of bearing a child. The baby is what I think about most, and all extra energy I have is put into figuring out what I need to do in the next three months to get ready. Frankly, it is overwhelming and I would rather not think about it all, but the end is drawing near.

I think about all the other goals I have set for myself that I have yet to accomplish:

·         Getting my floral business going so I can be a stay at home mom – still in progress…I need more business. I got in debt for an advertisement in a magazine thinking it would pay for itself and it did not…I want to get in a wedding show, but I learned my lesson, I will pay cash, so it will take some time to save up.

·         Get my bachelor’s degree – I don’t know when/if this one will be completed… it will really depend on finances, once again, don’t want to get in debt for it, and we will soon have something much more important to spend money on.

·         Get out of debt. I got a second job to help with this one, but quit when I got pregnant and was too sick to work it. I am on the road to getting out of debt, but it is slow going. This one will be accomplished no matter what. I will be completely debt free in 5 years or less other than mortgage. This is extremely important to me.

Here is what I wonder…Do I not succeed because I am not ambitious enough? Do I settle for mediocre when I should be trying to exceed even my own expectations? Do I let other things or laziness get in the way of what I want? Am I not focused enough and willing to take risks to achieve greatness? I don’t know. My goals are not unattainable. I guess I need to figure out what keeps me from going for it and reaching them…

Random Thoughts

I haven't had much time to blog lately working two jobs, then when I do have time to blog, I don't have the energy to put forth the effort to do it. So this will be a synopsis of some random thoughts I have wanted to blog about in the last month or two:

• I hate the word phenomenal and how people over-use and mis-use it. It just sounds so stupid. A phenomenon is "An occurrence, circumstance, or fact that is perceptible by the senses." So people using phenomenal to describe a good deal or whatever is just ridiculous.


• No folks, I am not a "Twihard", but yes, I did think it would be fun to go to the midnight Eclipse showing with friends and my sister. Turns out is was fun, the movie was better than the first two, and yes I think Taylor Lotner is freaking hot. Yes, he is young, but who cares. Guys drool over girls that are t00 young all the time. There is no double standard here. It is not like any average Jane has a chance with a celebrity, so let us drool.


• I have decided I really enjoy the smell of lemon. The flavor is not too bad either.


• Peppermint has always been one of my favorite things, but recently, I enjoy the flavor even more.


• Working for Frito has brought me to a new realization: Some people are flat mean and rude for no apparent reason. I am in a store stocking the shelves and they give me the most horrible looks, push my rack, KICK my rack, and generally act put out by the person just trying to get their job done so they can move on to the next store. Excuse me for making sure they shelves have something for you to buy. (There are also the nice folks too that understand that I am doing my best and can't be completely out of everyone's way).
• The new Taylor Swift song is awful and really proves how bad her voice is. It is not horrible mind you, but it is just not any better than the average person. I really don't understand how she became so bloody popular. Some of her songs have good lyrics, some are very poor, and her voice is just not that great. Take away the music with it, people would really see that.


• I really very much enjoy golf and I am really sad that I have been missing out this year. Scott and I used to golf every Monday night when the weather was good and we haven't had that chance this year. BIG BUMMER. Especially because my game has really improved this year.


• Ok, has anyone in UT heard the Kid to Kid commercial that says this, "You're a mom, so your kids are perfect, except one thing...they grow up too fast!" Um, no, if you are a mom and you think your kids are perfect, you are doing a big disfavor to the rest of the world and not recognizing that your kids, just like everyone else's kids are flawed and need to be disciplined and taught right from wrong and taught to be respectful and hard-working. That sort of attitude is what is wrong with the kids today.


• Ok, so I have recurring nightmares always about the same thing...falling elevators. I don't know why, but I am terrified of elevators. I have dreams at least monthly where I am in an elevator, always a different elevator, different styles, and different designs, and always with different people, but it is always the same, the elevator starts falling. I have no idea why I am so terrified of plummeting to my death in an elevator when really the chances of that happening are very slim. I have looked into it and I they have a lot of safety features to prevent the plummeting. I did find out recently that a relative of mine has been stuck in an elevator, and that story was fully terrifying to me. I think I would have lost it. So there you have it. I am not crazy about elevators. I don't avoid them or anything, but it is always a thought in the back of my mind when I am in one. No, I do not want to ride the Tower of Terror.


• Finally, a happy thought. I very much love the summer time. I love hot weather. I love rodeos and demolition derbys and golfing. I love spending time with family having BBQ's and just enjoying the sun and the beautiful days we are having.

The End

Lots to Say

I for some odd reason have not blogged since Thursday, but I have had things to blog about almost every day since then, so here is the rundown:

• Thursday night I LOVED my golf class. We hit 9-iron and pitching wedge on the range (which is actually the soccer field). I was amazed at how much I was able to improve my swing in one class. It helped that I felt no pressure. It's a beginning golf class so everyone around me was bad too, and I could just relax and focus on how I was hitting it. I hit a few really good shots and really got the bug. I went home and told Scott how much I loved it for 20 minutes. It was great. I am looking forward to tonight's class to see how much more I can improve!
• Friday I left work around 1 and went to lunch with Scott. It was nice to take the afternoon off because work has gotten really slow for me lately. That night we went and saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. I don't really recommend it. To be honest it was kind of disappointment. Scott's description was predictable. Mine I would have to say is skanky. It seemed like the whole movie was about sex. It will not be added to my collection.
• Saturday Scott and I had a nice date night thanks to birthday gift cards that were two months old. We went to dinner at Olive Garden, which for some reason was even more amazing than normal. So very tasty. Then we saw XMen Origins: Wolverine. It was good. Much better than the other movie we saw, but not my favorite movie ever by any means. I probably am not the best person to review it considering I am not a guy and it's definitely a guy movie. Scott liked it and was ready to go see it again. I will be happy to watch it again when it comes out on DVD and we buy it. Basically it was just nice to have a date night with Scott. Just he two of us.
• Last night was our weekly golf game. When we got to the golf course there was a tee time for Morgan at 6, which is our normal tee time. But we didn't make a tee time yesterday. It was really weird. I had a really really good time. I usually freak out about how bad I am and get frustrated and sometimes even cry on the golf course. It's really unfair to Scott and he is so patient with me. But last night, I was relaxed and I tried out the changes that I had made to my swing and it really helped. I felt really good about my game overall and staying relaxed and shaking off the bad shots helped me to really enjoy the good shots and the game overall. It was just a really good 9 holes of golf with my husband. I really enjoyed it.

There is the last 5 days in a nutshell. There was probably more to say on any of those things but that's it for now!